Barriers to Orgasm

Barriers to Orgasm

Sometimes, a woman just can’t come no matter how much she wants to. Orgasm is an unconscious biological response, which means that an active conscious mind can actually hinder her chances of coming. Distracting thoughts or worries can ruin the moment just as she’s about to come.

This is why it’s so important to make sure that a woman is completely relaxed mentally and physically—before having sex. Lingering tension from the day’s work can make her less likely to orgasm, as her mind will be full of concerns and all that she has to do the next day.

Help her release her tension before having sex by having a long, hot bath together, or turning on soothing music instead of the television. Keep distractions to a minimum. Talk about non-work-related topics and cuddle or stroke her hair.

The non-sexual physical touch will help her relax.

Relationship problems can also make it much less likely that she will come. Any sort of anger or resentment that she feels towards you will interfere with her need to relax, let go, and immerse herself in the experience of sex.

Open up to one another about the issues in your relationship, and watch your sex life improve as a result.

Avoid making negative comments or criticizing her in the bedroom. If she feels that you don’t find her attractive, her sex drive will plummet. Fortunately, the opposite is true: compliments in the bedroom will actually make her less inhibited and more willing to show you her sexy vixen side.

If she feels self-conscious at all—about her body, about the funny faces she makes when she comes, or about whether what she’s doing is right then her self consciousness may keep her from coming.

Too, if she feels as if she shouldn’t be having sex for some reason (parental disapproval, religious views, etc.), then subconsciously this could interfere with her ability to orgasm.

There’s not much you can do about this, aside from being supportive, but one thing you can and should do is lighten the mood in the bedroom. Be willing to be playful and laugh. Let her know that you enjoy the funny, silly side of sex. Take the pressure off the performance and focus on giving one another pleasure, rather than getting to the big ‘O.’ Sex is about having fun, not “doing it” right.

Other factors that act as barriers to orgasm include pain, fatigue, stress, cold, and some medications.

Being aware of the number of factors that influence a woman’s ability to come can help take the pressure off from you. She’ll experience her best orgasms when she’s completely relaxed and feeling content and safe with you.

However, if she’s stressed or worried or in pain, it may be a lot to ask to get her to come. Let her know that it’s okay. Never pressure her to come, because if she focuses on coming—rather than relaxing and allowing it to happen—it probably won’t.

In the next chapter, I’ll discuss sexual techniques that are sure to add an idea or two to your repertoire.